What The Hell Am I Looking At? When Will Then Be Now?

The answer is "maybe never." One my favorite movie quotes all time is from Spaceballs - its the classic "We're looking at now, sir. Everthing that happens now is happening now..." quote (I've included the entire quote after the jump). However, a young astrophysicist named Peter Lynds has forumlated a theory which states that "time" is merely an illusion, that time has no divisible unit and therefore there is no "now," only sequences of events. I know what you are thinking - "Whoa." I'll give you a second to process that.

He came up with this idea after watching IQ back home in New Zealand - I shit you not. After the movie, he couldn't shake the idea that if Zeno's paradoxes are true, then there is no such thing as a discrete slice of time. So, he began working on a paper stating as such and eventually it was published to widespread notoriety.

His theory threatens to turn the entire physics universe on its head and here's the best part: he' a 30 year old college dropout living in a hillside flat described by a Wired reporter as a "cross betwen a tree house and a Hobbit hole." In fact, the entire Wired article about Peter Lynds is a fascinating read and I heartily suggest you read it.

As promised, one of my favorite quotes of all-time:

Dark Helmet: What the hell am I looking at? When does this happen in the movie?
Colonel Sandurz: Now. You're looking at now, sir. Everything that happens now is happening now.
Dark Helmet: What hapened to then?
Colonel Sandurz: We passed then.
Dark Helmet: When?
Colonel Sandurz: Just now. We're at now now.
Dark Helmet: Go back to then.
Colonel Sandurz: When?
Dark Helmet: Now!
Colonel Sandurz: Now?
Dark Helmet: Now!
Colonel Sandurz: I can't.
Dark Helmet: Why?
Colonel Sandurz: We missed it.
Dark Helmet: When?
Colonel Sandurz: Just now.
Dark Helmet: When will then be now?
Colonel Sandurz: Soon.
Dark Helmet: How soon?
Private: Sir.
Dark Helmet: What?
Private: We've identified there location.
Dark Helmet: Where?
Private: It's the moon of Vega.
Colonel Sandurz: Good work. Set a course and prepare for our arrival.
Dark Helmet: When?
Private: 1900 hours.
Colonel Sandurz: By high noon tomorrow they will be our prisoners.
Dark Helmet: WHO!?

Burt's Slap Attack

I usually do not post about celebrities but this was hard to resist. It seems that Burt Reynolds decided to vent his anger over his recent awful plastic surgery by slapping one poor CBS News reporter. When the reporter professed his ignorance about the plot of "The Longest Yard," Reynolds gave him a good one. I find it funnier how he never broke eye contact with the camera while physically and then verbally abusing said reporter. As Warner Wolf would say, "let's go to the video tape!"

The Sith Sense

Challenge Darth Vader to a game of 20 questions he likes to call The Sith Sense. My object was an radish which he guessed on the 17th question. Once again, the agency handling the Burger King account has developed a seriously cool viral concept. I especially likes the effect when Vader shakes your screen. Cool stuff.

Thanks Scott

Real World Jedi

The 'Boards magazine site has 3 fantastic ads for the new "Star Wars Revenge of the Sith" video game. Enjoy Paperboy, and Pigeons and my personal favorite Dodgeball.

Via Blahblahblog

Thrilled with Episode III Am I

I saw "Revenge of the Sith" at 12:01 AM (though it didn't actually start until 12:10 AM) and it was awesome. Yes, there was some wooden dialogue but for the most part, it rocked. Seriously, I'm not just saying this and I'm not in denial like I was for Episodes I and II. If anything, twice burned equals more than thrice shy and I was very wary, though hopefully optimistic, going into tonight. However, the consensus opinion from the 7 people I saw it with ranged from "wow, that was really, really good" and "that was fucking awesome" (kev smith was right I guess) to "[beaming smile]." The best part? I'm seeing it again in less than 15 hours!

The Republic is dead. Long live the Republic.

Fox Gets Arrested One More Time

This just in: Fox gives low-rated 'Development' a late reprieve. "Arrested Development" will definitely be back next season as Fox has officially renewed the show for one more season. "Arrested Development" is one of broadcast's most critically beloved comedies, but the ratings haven't been there. This season the Emmy winner averaged just a 2.8 share among viewers 18-49s (which is pretty bad).

I thought for certain that it was either getting cancelled or moved to an ancillary cable network that Fox owns. This is one of the very few shows on TV I look forward to watching so I'm very jazzed at this development.

ha ha

Thanks Jessie

Bedside Chat

I read in today's NY Times a great story by Thomas W. Gross M.D. about how sometimes the best prescription a doctor can offer is simply lending his ear. I have provided the full text after the jump.

How Much for an Hour of Schmoozing, Doc?

By THOMAS W. GROSS, M.D. May 17, 2005

In our economy, productivity is often measured in units of time. Time is then converted to money. We hire architects, lawyers, plumbers and piano teachers, and we pay them by the hour.

The current medical reimbursement system pays by the job performed, not by the time spent.

Your appendectomy is charged on a flat rate, like a brake job. The surgeon who performs your appendectomy gets paid the same if he takes one hour or two, as long as he takes out only one appendix.

Your family doctor receives the same reimbursement for diagnosing a sinus infection in 6 minutes as he does if he takes 30 minutes.

In our current system, there is no way to buy an hour of your doctor's time just to talk.

The doctor can give you that time free, but under most health plans he cannot bill you for it.

With the current rate of exchange, as dictated by the health insurance companies, an hour spent talking with your physician has no value.

One night when I was an intern, the nurses paged me around 2 a.m. and requested a sleeping pill for an elderly man with an infection. Imagine that - being unable to sleep in a hospital. That hardly ever happens.

I was up anyway. Interns never sleep, except at lectures, and sometimes in the hospital cafeteria. I was waiting for the results of some laboratory tests for a recent admission.

Because not all sleeping pills are created equal, I went to see this patient before ordering any medication for him. I pulled up a chair, and sat by his bedside. We started to talk.

I learned that he was Hungarian. Before World War II, when he lived in Budapest, he had been a lawyer, a specialist in international law.

Given his description of Eastern Europe in the late 1930's, I tried to imagine how challenging his job must have been.

After the war broke out, he was drafted, and rose to the rank of lieutenant colonel, ultimately serving in six different armies, first in Poland, then back in Hungary and then in Romania.

He was later drafted into the German Wehrmacht, and then escaped and was captured by the British. So desperate were the various armies for cannon fodder that original allegiances were immaterial.

He eventually served in the Canadian forces, and then the United States Army. After that, he immigrated to this country and obtained American citizenship.

Ineligible to sit for the bar exam, or to practice law in the United States, he found a job as a janitor in the university library. He eventually worked his way up to become the assistant librarian at the law school.

In his hospital room, we sat and talked for quite a while, but about history, not medicine. I got a glass of water for him and a cup of burnt coffee for myself. He taught me some jokes in Hungarian, and a few in Polish and Ukrainian.

Most of the jokes were about the Communists. It took him forever to get me to understand the punch lines from different languages and cultures, but once I did, we both laughed.

He finally said he was becoming tired, and he fell asleep as I was turning out the light. I slipped away and wandered down the quiet hallway to check my overdue lab reports.

Even in my sleep-deprived state, I was not oblivious to the lesson he had taught me. Rather than prescribe a medication to make him drowsy, I had let him talk himself to sleep.

The next morning, he was more alert than he would have been if I had prescribed a sleeping aid. His infection had abated enough to allow him to go home.

The colonel slept through the night. Twenty years later, I remember more about him than I would have if I had called in a tranquilizer.

I still remember how to say "to your health" in seven Eastern European languages. You'd be amazed how frequently that comes in handy.

I still remember how many K.G.B. agents it takes to screw in a light bulb.

I hope I never forget what I learned that night: Time is not money. Time is medicine.

From Monty

Trip Down Mass Marketing, Media Tie-In Lane

So, I'm listening to Virgin Radio on-line this morning, and "Star Wars" Episode III has already debuted in London (5/16/05), and there is supposed to be an interview with C-3PO at some point today (evening London time).

It got me thinking about C-3PO and all the merchandising Star Wars has generated...a memory came to me, and of course a Google search has come through once again...

C-3POs Cereal

Do you remember these things? As I recall, they were basically Cherios in the shape of a digital looking 8, slightly sweetened, and total horseshite....and I had to have them. Especially since there was usually a cheap cut-out cardboard mask on the back of the box...ah the memories. Can't wait to see Episode III on Thursday at 12:01 A.M...does this make me a dork? I won't be wearing any costumes, or reciting any lines. However, I may hit on a couple of Princeess Leia's...if they are dressed a la Return of the Jedi...

Episode III Doesn't Suck? Can it be possible?

Bestill my fanboy heart. The reviews are coming in and so far, so good. I've gotten excited before, actually twice before, only to end up in denial for several months before admitting to severe disappointment so I'm trying not to get too worked up until I see the damn thing at 12:01 AM, Thursday May 19th. Then again, this is what Kevin Smith has to say:

"Revenge of the Sith" is, quite simply, fucking awesome. This is the "Star Wars" prequel the haters have been bitching for since "Menace" came out, and if they don't cop to that when they finally see it, they're lying.

Okay, so I'm getting excited. After the jump there are links to some reviews.

Reviews:

NY Times review
Premiere Magazine review
Kevin Smith's review - CAUTION: CONTAINS SPOILERS

Supreme Court Strikes Down Ban on Wine Shipments

Wine lovers may buy directly from out-of-state vineyards, the Supreme Court ruled today. Turley Mailing list - here I come!

Me: #1 on Google

If you google me (Jeff Lipson) your result number one result is this journal entry that I logged while I was at Woodstock '94. Even better than text, if you click on the picture, you hear my 17 year old voice leaving an audio entry - sweet! My friend George logged an entry as well. This is truly old school in terms of the 'net - again, it was done in 1994 - which might explain why both of ours are the #1 results for our names. Longevity matters in some respect to how search engines crawl and classify sites. Speaking of results, a previous post to this blog is the #2 result for George which is nice. Now I've got to work on getting this blog associated with Jeff Lipson and with Seven Squared - only sevensquared returns results. Verdict: not good.

Meta tags rule - literally and figuratively, but figuratively only if you are on top. Otherwise, they are a plain drag.

Lipso Nava spotted on LI

My friend Eric called me today to say, "Dude, Lipso Nava is in the Post!" Turns out, his new team, the Camden Riversharks, played the Long Island Ducks last night. The Ducks now have John Rocker on their team so they are getting tons of media attention, especially since he recently said: "I've taken a lot of [stuff] from a lot of people, probably more than anybody in the history of the sport. I know Hank [Aaron] and Jackie [Robinson] took a good deal of [stuff], but I guarantee it wasn't for six years." Um, how many burning crosses were placed on his lawn?

Anyway, the Post states that in the 7th inning, "Rocker started off well, going 0-2 to the first batter, Travis Anderson, before Anderson ripped a line-drive single to left. He then walked Kevin Jordan, throwing a one-hopper to the plate on ball four. He promptly loaded the bases when Lipso Nava singled through the right side of the infield to load the bases."

Ah, the NY Post, the most eloquent of newspapers, where all the writers should win Pulitzers....

Hobo Signs

When I have rough days, the idea of dropping out of society, riding the rails cross country, eating can after can of beans, taking a swig of hooch from a paper bag, you know, real hobo type stuff, is sort of intriguing. In case you didn't know, the classic American hobo of early this century communicated through a basic system of marks--a code through which they gave information and warnings to their fellow Knights of the Road. Here is a neat list of hobo signs and symbols that my co-worker sent me today. I hope he's not going to become a hobo - I don't want to handle Client status meetings solo.

Enjoy and happy friday!

Thanks eNos

It's Now Councilman Fulop Thank You Very Much

Fulop wins! Fulop wins! In Jersey City's Ward E yesterday, my good friend Steven Fulop successfully raged against the Hudson County Democratic Organization machine and won the Ward E Councilman position. It's about time that something good happened in the world of politics, especially NJ politics (which is about 5x more dirty than the rest of the country).

Here is part of what the Jersey Journal had to say:

"Some political observers called it a message to the Democratic Party, both local and county. Councilman-elect Steve Fulop ran not just against Maldonado, but attacked the Hudson County Democratic Organization and its de facto leader, U.S. Rep. Robert Menendez, D-Hoboken. This resonated with the Puerto Rican voters, who were supposed to be Maldonado's strength. Instead, they believe that the Dems, and Maldonado, have done very little for them because the incumbent was more interested in putting family on the payroll, according to several Hispanic politicians. What the Dems found out is that Puerto Ricans are not only Hispanics but American citizens and some were even reluctant to go against the former Marine, Fulop."

I don't have any hard data to back this up but exit polls suggest that the snazzy web site designed by the good folks at Keymaster Productions (namely moi) won it for him.

Congrats Steve - I hope this is just the first stop on a long and exciting political journey. Like I have been already, I intend to be there for every step of the way.

From Monty

Christ resurfaces in VA, already entangled in legal battle

Christ in VA

While others wait with bated breath to find out the sex of Britney's child, or what will become of MJ, smaller stories like this can fall through the cracks. I think this is a colossal mistake.

Folks, when a 50 year old man changes his name to Jesus Christ (technically, he was 35 when he changed his name), moves to rural Virginia, and decides to dig his heels into a legal battle to ensure he can register his car under his new name, am I the only one that sits back stares aimlessly at my "Christ Walking with Children" Hummel figurine and wonders, what has gone awry with a legal system more concerned with a car registration under the name Jesus Christ, than the fact there IS, officially, a Jesus Christ?

I'm definitely not the poster boy for religion, but, I'm really not entirely sure it takes even the gruff tough love of Judge Judy to figure out that when a guy comes into your court and asks to change his name to the Son of God that you've got a bigger problem than what form to stamp. I mean does anyone else feel the irony that the person inclined to have himself referred to as the Lord is also the person most likely to, I don't know, say...sever young woman's head, and wear it as a helmet while defecating on the corpse?

Call me St. Jude, but, I kind of feel like grabbin' a Good Book and maybe having a devine intervention between Mr. Christ and a padded room. Could just be me.

Union Square Clock Mystery Solved

The digital clock part of the "Union Square Clock," which is actually an art installation by Kristin Jones & Andrew Ginzel entitled Metronome is called The Passage.

The Passage is a digital timepiece composed of 76,800 light emitting diodes in 15 panels (each approximately five feet in height) behind a clear glass curtain wall. The numerals indicate with atomic precision the time since midnight and counting down in hours, minutes, seconds until the midnight to come - the sum and balance of the day. For example, at precisely twelve noon, The Passage will read 120000000000012.

Lately it has changed: now instead of displaying the ascending and descending time, it is counting down to some event which thanks to Grubby Kid I know is the time when the 2012 Olympic Bid is decided.

Thanks Neu

Kids Able To Buy Pot-Flavored Candy

Local 6 News in Central Florida recently reported on a controversial pot-flavored candy found to be for sale to kids. The lollipops called "Chronic Candy" are marketed with the slogan "every lick is like taking a hit." A recent taster said merely, "I think it's a great product for bringing back memories. You're not going to get a buzz, you are not going to get the munchies and you won't get stoned."

Even though they are meant for adults, there is no warning barring their sale to minors and the intrepid reporters were outraged that any child could just buy one. "This is just a gimmick for a 12-year-old wanna-be pothead to kind of get into," warns counselor Lui Delgado said.

Capitalism at its best. I love it.

Thanks eNos

The Bunny Suicides

The incredilby creative ways that this bunny comes up with to commit suicide are positively astounding. I mean, I've had morbid thoughts before but these are just plain ridiculous. One is more interesting than the next - I'm just blown away. Check it out.

Via Blahblahblog

Puzzle Du Jour II

My department head seriously decreased productivity yesterday when he sent out a link to this puzzle game called Crimson Room. Basically, there are 13 items hidden in the room that you need to obtain in order to get out of this room.

If you find:
>> 0-6 items: Your IQ is very low, total idiot
>> 6-8 items: Low IQ, you are an idiot
>> 9-10 items: You are normal
>> 11-12 items: Your IQ is high, above the average.
>> 13 items found and you get out of the room: Mazel tov! Not many people can do it so you should be very proud of yourself.

Trust me, this puzzle can be solved and you can get out of the room. I know this because I've gotten out. The only hint I'll give is that at some point, the number 1994 is important. I only give this out because as this game is a few years old, that number, which is needed to finish the game, is no longer available. That's all I'm saying.

If you get stuck, email me and I'll help you out.

Thanks Phil

Freedom Will Ring a Tad Bit Later

The Media has been buzzing today about a couple things, like a pineapple grenade going off in midtown, and the Freedom Tower is one of them. It seems that Gov. George E. Pataki, Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg and the lead developer at ground zero said yesterday that the soaring office building known as the Freedom Tower would be significantly redesigned to satisfy security concerns.

In an email I received yesterday, my friend Ben put it best:

"I'm glad to know that when it comes to massive undertaking public construction, Boston is not the only major city fully of a bunch of colossal idiots.

Listening the news the other day I had to shake my head that construction on the Freedom Towers will be delayed because the building needs to 100 feet from the street, due to security concerns resulting from...9/11/01. Four years of planning and these geniuses accepted plans that don't meet the basic specs for security that were put in place as a result of the destruction of the buildings ... they... are... rebuilding. Cue the circus theme."

Thanks Ben - that is the best op-ed I've read on the subject yet...